The Broke Professional - Optimize Your Financial Life

How to Lose Friends and Scare Away People

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Many people have read the popular book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  This book came out way back in the 1930’s but is still read by many today.  This book can teach you how to effectively network and connect with people to form meaningful relationships, in both your personal and business interactions.

It’s one of those books that teach you new things every time you read it.

But this post is not about all that syrupy good stuff.  This post is about the exact opposite. I will share a guide that will make sure you stay unhappy and stuck in your dead end job for a very long time, or even lose your job altogether.

It outlines the steps you need to take to ensure that you can effectively alienate both your family and friends while being scorned by co-workers at the same time.  It’s a rare skill to be able to lose friends AND scare away people, but I’ll show you how it’s done.  (This is all sarcasm by the way. Well most of it)

1.  Be late.  For everything.  It is said that time stops for no one.  It’s time to prove them wrong.  There are many places and people that expect you to be on time.  Your boss and your clients.  Mom and dad.  Your spouse.  Even your kids may expect you to be on time so they’re not stranded in front of school in 20 degree weather.

What gives them the right?  Take your time wherever you go and in whatever you do.  Deadlines and panicked phone calls from your children can wait.  You have more important things to do.  Time is a limited resource, so keep as much of it for yourself as you can.  (Reality: Pick your kids up if needed.  Don’t make your wife wait.  Ever.)

2.  Networking is for dweebs.  Who has time to network when there are so many shows to watch on Netflix?  You love your current job, but not that much, so talking to others in your field and keeping current on your skills should be the last thing on your mind.

Besides, who wants to be one of those guys that’s always shaking hands with people and smiling?  Not this guy.  (Reality:  Yes, you should make sincere and strong relationships with those people in your industry who make more than you or know more than you.)

3.  ALWAYS pass the buck.  Don’t be the “go to” guy in your workplace.  People will be asking you to do all kinds of stuff that you frankly don’t feel like doing.

If a client asks you to do an urgent project, first try to convince them that it’s not really that urgent, and if that doesn’t work, ask them to give the project to what’s his name down the hall.  (Reality: Try to be indispensable to your clients and supervisors.  They’ll greatly appreciate it because they’ll have to do less work.)

4.  Read a lot less.  There is this perception out there that successful people read a lot.  While this may be true, it certainly doesn’t sound like fun.  Reading hundreds of pages of material relevant to your field will take the excitement out of everything else in life.

If you know so much about your area of expertise, where are you going to get the rush of possibly making a bad decision?  Leave the reading to the librarians.  (Reality: Keep current on your field by reading relevant blogs or journals.  You’ll at least know when your field will become obsolete.)

5.  React to EVERYTHING.  All those people you work with and those clients you serve are out to get you.  Whether it’s your bobbleheads, awesome desk chair or even your red Swingline stapler, the world wants to see you pay and take your things.

This is why it is very important to react to every little thing.  And react HARD.  Throw objects, swear loudly, storm out of the room and, ideally, all three at the same time.  Every little sideways glance and convoluted comment that could be about you needs to be addressed.  These people will not stop until you’re out on the street.  (Reality:  People don’t have time to worry about you so don’t go crazy about everything.  They’re too busy worrying about themselves.)

These are my top 5 ways of being an anti-Dale Carnegie.  I’m sure there are many, many other ways I could think of to lead you down the path of the social pariah, but all this typing is hurting my fingers.  If you would like to share your own ways of losing friends and scaring away people, please feel free to share in the comments.

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Is the Market Going to Crash Soon? Who Cares!!??

Update: Well that was a timely post.  Last week, the week of October 8 2018, saw the S&P 500 drop a little over 4%.  While not exactly bear market territory, the pundits are already out in force declaring the end of the bull market and to move your investments into “safe” stocks, such as ones that pay high dividends.  

If you’re investing for the long term, don’t do such a thing.  This past week could very well have been just a blip on the market and the rise could continue for 6 more months.  Or it very well could be the beginning of a bear market.  Either way, if you have a sound investment strategy that takes these ups and downs into account, just stay the course.  

But if the market volatility and decrease in your net worth is making you want to sell a bunch of your investment,s you might need to re-think your overall investment strategy.  Or just hold on for the ride!  

Read this post again.  You’ll thank me later.

This is going to be a quick public service announcement post.

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of talk in the media about how the market crash is coming and we need to panic.  The cover of the latest issue of Fortune magazine had a guy with a sign saying “The End is Near”.

I know these types of story lines and images are made to sell ad space and make publishers lots of money.  But here are two indisputable truths when it comes to long term investing:

The stock market WILL go down.

Most people, especially the financial media, look at a stock market decline as an abnormal event that requires you to make some snap investment decisions.  The fact is, market declines are expected and should be assumed when you make your investment plan.  Here is a chart of the historical performance of the S&P 500:

The starting value of the S&P was 250 in 1930.  The most recent valuation had the index at 2800.  That’s more than a 1,000% return.  Not too shabby.  But as you can see in the chart, there were many dips along the way.  It was a very bumpy ride and will most likely continue to be bumpy.

Corrections and recessions are to be expected.  Investors should not be surprised when they occur.

Indisputable truth #2:

For long term investors, market drops SHOULD NOT change behavior.

When there is a market drop or recession, you will see the pundits talk about where to “shelter” your investments.  The safety of bonds will be talked and written about.  And you will see people panic and do very stupid things with their money.  Especially with their retirement accounts.

Market drops should be expected during your investment journey.  If you’re investing in a 401K or IRA which you can’t touch until age 60, there is no reason a recession should spook you when you’re age 40.  If anything, a market drop might compel you to increase your contributions since stocks will be cheaper.

As long as you make a sound investment plan that takes market drops into account, your retirement accounts should be able to weather any recessions, which last 2 years on average.  Stay the course and keep contributing to increase your shares.

No, the end is not near after all.

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